Swollen Sense of Size: skinny is fat

My hairdresser is a celebrity. With a celebrity bulge and a swollen self awareness.

She apologized as soon as i walked in for being dressed in track pants. I hadn't noticed. She apologized for being 'so fat'. I hadn't noticed. Before long, as she reconstructed my cherry red roots, she pulled up her top and showed me the bruises on her stomach. They were marble sized all over her back, belly and chest.

"Look how swollen i am, even my vagina's swollen. I'm in agony." It was Thursday evening. On Tuesday she'd had whatever the non-sucking version of 'lypo-suction' is called... and her middle was now blown up like a balloon she was also really down, not as chirpy as usual and sniping at her sister's twins who'd come to play in the salon.

"i have an appearance on Saturday. I'd chosen what i was going to ware. everyone's going to be saying gee she's put on weight but i haven't i'm just swollen." She says she wants to go on the cover of Ralph magazine "to show the world that bigger girls can be attractive too - when do they ever have my body shape on there?" She is five four, my hips are wider than her and I'm a size 10 (well 12 at this time of year when i lay about on the couch eating mars bars and pizza). Her breasts are big, sure, she has curves. But she's not a 'bigger girl’.

Then she tells me about her friend who exercises three-five hours a day "she's so tiny, her body is perfect, she has the smallest little bum, but you know what she told me? she wants to get lypo on her bum! she wants it to be flat so it goes straight up from her thighs! I told her you're crazy!"

As she begins to cut my fringe, a baby doll look this month, she drops the comb but cannot pick it up because her stomach is too swollen and everything hurts. She grabs another. I tell her about my repeated cellulite dream, where i have cellulite down to my knees, sometimes ankles, and everyone knows and i am so unhappy that i won't go out of the house and I want to die and suddenly i am on the cover of New Idea in bathers under the title "Celebes with Cellulite". We laugh and share other body stories. She paints my hair brown to cover the red, while i read about Nicole Richie's anorexia and count the orange peel on Paris Hilton's thighs.


For helpful definitions and discussions about cellulite visit:
http://www.celluliteusa.com/

* Reese Witherspoon has vowed never to strip on-screen again - because she has "cellulite and saggy boobs". http://www.femalefirst.co.uk/celebrity/4402004.htm