Another Day in the Shire with Bilbo Baggins

You're late!

A small one chirps as Granddeaf ambles towards them carefully balancing books, handouts, marking, forgotten pencil cases, a confiscated plastic hand and a mug of cold coffee.

Shove it Bilbo Baggins!

Jack Spry angles an elbow at Bilbo’s ribs as the stampede lurches through the door.

A teacher is never late Mr Baggins, nor is he early, but arrives precisely when he means to.

Putting down his bundle, Granddeaf watches the hobbits scratching, poking, prodding, picking, pinching, eating, tilting back in chairs, risking life and limb in their efforts to prepare for today's learning.

Folding his arms now in frustration, Granddeaf waits for the hobbits to settle. It takes them quite some time but eventually it is only the Brothers Grimm who are giggling and farting, waving their arms about to shoo away the smell. Finally they notice everyone’s eyes upon them and exclaim simultaneously

It was him!

each pointing at the other with identical grins and wide-eyed innocence

Be quiet!

Granddeaf roars his wizard's finger pointing at Merry and Pippin whose grotty toes are poking through socks, their feet propped on the desk. Granddeaf chants a spell, something like

Who is volunteering to clean the yard at lunchtime?

Magically, their toes slip from the table into mud-splattered shoes. Granddeaf’s hobbits transform into hard working conscientious, clean and clever elfins. They are now wide awake, not yawning, taking notes in full sentences on the carefully ruled pages of the books they've remembered to bring. Smiling happily, Granddeaf can’t help exclaiming

What pleasure I experience shaping young minds into useful citizens of the shire, how they enjoy my lessons and learn so eagerly from my wisdom.